This is Somerset --
Poor Kate.Yes I know being married to a future king means she had an army of servants to fan her baby bump, feed her strawberry Mivvis, fold the babygros and do all the little mundane tasks that suddenly feel like climbing Mount Everest when the thermometer and the waistline go into the 30s at the same time.
But being a future Queen would not have stopped her feet blowing up until she could not get into her nude LK Bennetts any more or stop her tossing and turning all night in the heat.
Now the poor woman has has had to give birth to her first baby while the world waited with baited breath outside the maternity wing door.
Millions of people silently willing her to get on with it, breathe, push and not make a fuss. The Great Kate Wait as it was called, had journalists tweeting and blogging minute by minute accounts. No birth in history could have been more publicly scrutinised.
Even before she sparked the media frenzy by going into into hospital on Monday morning, the photographers had been camped outside the Lindo Wing for weeks.
The hospital became a tourist attraction and Sarah Knapton described the Telegraph webcam trained on the front door as "Like Springwatch but without Chris Packham".
Imagine that? It's bad enough having friends and relatives constantly asking "any news?", never mind a small nation.
Indeed Kate's birthing guru Christine Hill says the weight of expectation from friends and relatives makes women feel such failures that she tells them to turn off their phones.
All week Kate has had to put up with an expectant public, gamblers moaning that they lost their money because her contractions didn't arrive on time and journalists complaining of being bored because she didn't produce to order.
But the worse thing of all must have been the speculation about her intimate bodily functions. Even for us nobodies, being pregnant turns you into a human incubator.
Kate has had all that a million times over. On Sunday one newspaper went into detail about how a vindaloo would stimulate her bowels and uterus simultaneously before suggesting membrane sweeping to hurry things along.
If that makes you feel queasy, imagine how Kate must have felt going into hospital.
Anxious relatives pacing the corridor are one thing, she had the whole world camped outside the labour ward at a time when she was probably feeling her most frightened and vulnerable.
Giving birth is bad enough without knowing that TV cameras from both sides of the Atlantic have their cameras trained on the windows of the hospital.
Who could blame her for feeling anxious? Paranoid even. After those topless snaps of her appeared on holiday, she knows the slightest chink allows the cameras in and there's nothing to stop those pictures going viral.
No matter how many Jackanory stories the midwives tell you about whale music, every woman knows that once that baby starts coming it feels you have entered the jaws of hell.
Christine wisely tells her clients: "Natural childbirth doesn't go on your CV" but does that apply when you are applying for job as future Queen of England? Kate made it be known she wasn't too posh to push but what she would have wanted would have most certainly come second best to what is best for our heir to the throne.
Hopefully Kate and William will be able to remember it as one of the best days of their life.
But if they want to keep the gory details to themselves, William needs to be warned about the dangers of slipping into super-proud, new dad mode.
Every first-time father seems to develop shell-shocked, verbal incontinence and feels the need to share blow-by-blow accounts of the birth with anybody who offers their congratulations.
As a journalist I once phoned the husband of a former female minister to get the name and weight if the baby and was astonished when he went into eye-watering detail of the birth.
So William, whatever happens, if anybody asks tell them Kate is fine but tired and did really, really well.
She may be a future Queen, but allow her some dignity. Reported by This is 9 hours ago.
Poor Kate.Yes I know being married to a future king means she had an army of servants to fan her baby bump, feed her strawberry Mivvis, fold the babygros and do all the little mundane tasks that suddenly feel like climbing Mount Everest when the thermometer and the waistline go into the 30s at the same time.
But being a future Queen would not have stopped her feet blowing up until she could not get into her nude LK Bennetts any more or stop her tossing and turning all night in the heat.
Now the poor woman has has had to give birth to her first baby while the world waited with baited breath outside the maternity wing door.
Millions of people silently willing her to get on with it, breathe, push and not make a fuss. The Great Kate Wait as it was called, had journalists tweeting and blogging minute by minute accounts. No birth in history could have been more publicly scrutinised.
Even before she sparked the media frenzy by going into into hospital on Monday morning, the photographers had been camped outside the Lindo Wing for weeks.
The hospital became a tourist attraction and Sarah Knapton described the Telegraph webcam trained on the front door as "Like Springwatch but without Chris Packham".
Imagine that? It's bad enough having friends and relatives constantly asking "any news?", never mind a small nation.
Indeed Kate's birthing guru Christine Hill says the weight of expectation from friends and relatives makes women feel such failures that she tells them to turn off their phones.
All week Kate has had to put up with an expectant public, gamblers moaning that they lost their money because her contractions didn't arrive on time and journalists complaining of being bored because she didn't produce to order.
But the worse thing of all must have been the speculation about her intimate bodily functions. Even for us nobodies, being pregnant turns you into a human incubator.
Kate has had all that a million times over. On Sunday one newspaper went into detail about how a vindaloo would stimulate her bowels and uterus simultaneously before suggesting membrane sweeping to hurry things along.
If that makes you feel queasy, imagine how Kate must have felt going into hospital.
Anxious relatives pacing the corridor are one thing, she had the whole world camped outside the labour ward at a time when she was probably feeling her most frightened and vulnerable.
Giving birth is bad enough without knowing that TV cameras from both sides of the Atlantic have their cameras trained on the windows of the hospital.
Who could blame her for feeling anxious? Paranoid even. After those topless snaps of her appeared on holiday, she knows the slightest chink allows the cameras in and there's nothing to stop those pictures going viral.
No matter how many Jackanory stories the midwives tell you about whale music, every woman knows that once that baby starts coming it feels you have entered the jaws of hell.
Christine wisely tells her clients: "Natural childbirth doesn't go on your CV" but does that apply when you are applying for job as future Queen of England? Kate made it be known she wasn't too posh to push but what she would have wanted would have most certainly come second best to what is best for our heir to the throne.
Hopefully Kate and William will be able to remember it as one of the best days of their life.
But if they want to keep the gory details to themselves, William needs to be warned about the dangers of slipping into super-proud, new dad mode.
Every first-time father seems to develop shell-shocked, verbal incontinence and feels the need to share blow-by-blow accounts of the birth with anybody who offers their congratulations.
As a journalist I once phoned the husband of a former female minister to get the name and weight if the baby and was astonished when he went into eye-watering detail of the birth.
So William, whatever happens, if anybody asks tell them Kate is fine but tired and did really, really well.
She may be a future Queen, but allow her some dignity. Reported by This is 9 hours ago.